i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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