Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
My ATM looks so different sober.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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