I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
My vagina just recognized that song.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
