I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
