Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
