I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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