I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
