I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
