I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
