Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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