I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
