they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
