she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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