went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
