so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
