alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
