There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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