NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
