god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
