Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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