I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
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i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
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Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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