ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
