I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
He told me they were just razor bumps!
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
