Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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