So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
