I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
