My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
