I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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