she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
