Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
