Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I supernannyed him into submission
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
