I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
