Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
