I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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