what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
