Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize
