i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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