I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
