I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Randomize
