went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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