I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Randomize
