I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
