The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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