Porn is love you can see.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
