Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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