I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize