I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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