did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
