remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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