Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
