She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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