i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
i drank out of a bidet.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
