its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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