dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Boobs speak an international language.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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