It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
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I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
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Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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