These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
