i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
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Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
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I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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