...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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