im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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