all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
