you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Well I just put wine in my tea
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
