i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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