i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
