They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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