Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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