A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
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