just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
i drank out of a bidet.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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